Ain’t no mountain high enough-W.I.S.E. Project 2016

Photo credit to tinpoppy.ca

I managed to miss all of the Canada Day celebrations this year because I was struck down by sickness on the first day of my vacation. I hate to belly ache about a tiny cold but it was the fever that made me useless. 

After several dizzy spells and having to sit down every two minutes I decided I didn’t care if my house was messy, sipped on chai tea with honey and binge watched Homeland on Netflix. 

This morning I felt 85% better so I challenged my daughter to a one on one to try out the new basketball pad her dad built. I think I did better yesterday when my equilibrium was off. 

Tomorrow we are leaving on a little mini-vacay road trip to the Okanagan, staying in a solar cabin nestled in the woods with no wifi and then onto a fantastic eco retreat in the wilderness. I figured this was a good time to put my W.I.S.E. Principles down in black in white because there is never a time that I need these reminders more. I know you are probably thinking that I am going on vacation what could I possibly find to stress about? Well…everything. For instance as much as I would like to believe and for everyone else to believe that these long dark locks of mine have not been diminished with age the truth is that shock white hairs grow along my hairline and most recently they have started to grow staight up and out of the top of my head. I dye my hair very sparingly because root touch up always took care of everything I could see until I discovered last week when I was playing with my hair at a red light that my long locks were not only lack laster on the back of my head but there are white strands growing amid the dull and lifeless brown ones. Because I was sick all weekend I decided to nice and easy box dye my hair and immediately after have been stressing about going to the beach and having black dye streaked all over my face or on white cabin pillows or luxurious bath robes. Our eco retreat has a sauna so I can imagine stepping out with black dye mingled with sweat running all over my body. 

When I was 12 years old I was on our quad driving through country fields with wild abandon. I remember how glorious it felt. Sweet freedom with sun in my face and wind in my hair, the moment took over and I closed my eyes to enjoy that warm, carefree feeling of summer  and drove through a barbed wire fence. I have blocked a lot of the incident out, mostly due to embarassment and shame. I gave into a moment and then I had to explain to my mom and my torturously bratty brothers how the fence jumped out at me. I don’t even think they have bothered me about it ‘much’ over the years but the memory still mocks me. I am reminded of that embarrassment a lot.

I am sadly pretty tame in my advancing years but a while back I was convinced to smoke a joint and watch a comedy show. We were on vacation and I was laughing hysterically but immediately decided to go to bed because I thought I might laugh too hard at something that wasn’t funny and embarass myself. What was embarassing was crying to my husband and begging him to make me “not high” anymore. So as you can see mindfulness and living in the moment doesnt’t come naturally to me. I have had to overcome some very ridiculous fears about shame and learn to lean into vulnerability. Baby steps…

  I am learning really quickly that shame is a roadbloak and it is impossible to be authentic without a little vulnerability. 

There ain’t no mountain high enough to keep me from enjoying this much needed break from the city so laughing till I pee a little is in and worrying about laughing till I pee is out!

My July Principles are:

Welcome- this is a month to welcome new things and new experiences. Also very soon I will be welcoming a new granddaughter. 

Innocent-When I think of innocent I think of babies and I am certain this was a thought back in December when I wrote out the principles but I also think it would be great to see people through ‘innocent’ eyes. No jade…no judgement, the way one would view nature or a child.

Special- I want to reconize that special moments are fleeting and they should be enjoyed to the fullest without rushing onto the next moment. To live in the moments and bask in them a little longer is my ultimate goal. 

Enjoy- I want to give myself permission to enjoy myself. Even if my house is a mess or I need to get up early the next day I need to give myself over to completely enjoy the moment. 

I love road trips but they are not without their challenges. I love coffee but try to abstain while travelling because I need to pee to frequently. I think I am nicer when I have had caffeine but I am going to try my best to leave in the morning with fun, happy, not a care in the world Michelle and not be annoyed by hubbys heavy foot. I will even play and win all of the road trip games. 

Wish me luck. 

I will be leaving shortly to stock up on wine. That should help. 😉

“Jobs fill your pockets but adventures fill your soul!!

I’ll keep your memory vague-W.I.S.E. Project 2016

I love memories. They are powerful. I think memories would be one of the most difficult things to ever have to give up .

Memories for me are not just about people I have met or places I have been but sometimes it is a feeling the memory arouses.

I have this special place that I like to go and I always wish I could capture the feeling of that place, that feeling of being connected, wholehearted and deeply and madly free. Memories, like feelings are sometimes fleeting, fading as quickly as they came. Others are enduring and they survive our greatest attempts to exile them.

Memories can warm you, like a roaring cabin fire on a dreadfully cold February day. They can recapture a time, a place, or a feeling, and envelope you in a delightfully toasty embrace.
Unfortunately just as quickly they can tear apart your insides, and rip open old wounds as if you swallowed a bucket of rusty razor blades.

Ironically bad memories come to us with greater intensity than pleasant ones because the memory is not about a place or a person as much as it is about the feelings the memory evokes. Sadly, feelings of hurt, anger, heartbreak and hopelessness can be crippling, even years later.

I told you just recently how excited I am to be in such a good and warm place in my marriage. That wasn’t always the case. Like a lot of couples, just because we have always felt like we were meant to be together doesn’t mean that it has been an easy road.

The other night in a conversation with a friend my husband brought up something that surprised me. I was upset but tried to brush it off and suceeded for a short time. It seemed out of the blue to me and I was a bit shocked because it obviously came from a place of pain and I most definititely missed the part of the conversation that made the timing relevant.

The next day I had an appointment for a ninety minute float at the Floatique, to melt away stress and clear my mind. About 60 minutes in I had an aha moment of sorts. The thing about floating and sensory deprivation is that once you have cleared you mind and relaxed sometimes things that have been mired in the mud of stress and noise pop into your brain and you get it immediately. It’s mental clarity. I had that moment and it was a comfort initially, feeling like I had found the answer to an equation.

That response was short lived however. The emotional response that I had to the memories that came up that day hit me square in the face the next morning. I was catapulted to a time of sadness and uncertainty in my marriage. I tried to refocus. I tried several times to no avail as tears that I tried desperately to hold in spilled out of the corner of my eyes. It wasn’t the memory of the time, the place, the people or even the events, it was undeniably the feelings. I fiercely wished for an override button to bring me back but it wasn’t possible. I think the only thing worse than living through those feelings the first time is living through them again and again.

A lesson I have learned from doing the W.I.S.E. project is how important it is to live in the present. The past is gone, I can’t change it, I have this moment, this very one. I can’t have yesterday and I am not promised tomorrow or next week. I have now. I knew I didn’t want to feel that pain again, I knew better than to dwell on it but I also know that our emotional memories are sometimes cautions.

Have you ever had a drink of sour milk? If you have you remember it and you never want to drink it again. This memory stays in the back of your mind and cautions you. You check the date on the carton, you smell the milk if it is close to expiry, you are vigilant about it.

I feel like that memory, that moment… those feelings; were a caution of sorts. Reminding me of our indomitable spirit, our incredible love and our valiant vulnerability. Reminding us to keep moving forward. There will always be another hurtle, another roadblock to stumble over, another fork in the road that we will have to face together and forge on.

Memories can be a holding tank of your greatest pain but they can also be a place of peace, of passion and of solace. I have learned that memories will come and go like the wind. I get to decide which memories I give power to. Some I may hold unto longer than others, feel their soothing warmth like hot sun on my face on a July day. The feel of my lips swollen from my very first kiss, the joy of falling in love, the soothing embrace of my children. The sound of the ocean, the soaring heights of the mountains, the feel of summer rain, those are the feelings I will hang unto.

Other memories may hit me hard and fast when I least expect it, bringing feelings of fear and sadness. I will let the wind carry them away just as fast.

“Memories are made of peculiar stuff, elusive and yet compelling, powerful and fleet. You cannot trust your reminiscences, and yet there is no realty except the one we remember…”

~Klaus Mann

Be. W.I.S.E. friends.

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Take on me-W.I.S.E. Project 2016

Photo credit: Louie Schwartzberg

Beauty and seduction are nature’s tools for survival because we protect what we love. ~ Louie Schwartzberg

You may have noticed that a lot of my blog titles are also the titles of classic songs. Yes this is on purpose. I love music and usually the title is something that just pops in my head very quickly. Take on me from the Norwegian band Aha is out of the 1985 vault. That is how I feel today, telling the universe to Take me on, because I am happy and nothing that happens today is going to change that.

Often when I write to you I have these A-ha moments and yesterday I said that I was once told that you will be what you think of most of the time and I always wanted to be happy. In seeking out those opportunities to create happiness every moment of every day it changes your entire focus. It doesn’t mean that I am never sad or angry but it means I know what happiness feels like and though I experience sadness  like everyone else I no longer dwell on it. In the dictionary dwelling is described as a place of residence. Do not dwell in a place of sadness and anger. These are places you visit quickly and leave.

Once again this  months W.I.S.E. Principles are WOW, incredible, stimulate and enthusiasm.

I found just the thing today that was expressive and awe-inspiring, it encouraged further interest and activity and I intensely and eagerly enjoyed. Not bad for day two of June.

Nature’s beauty is a gift that cultivates appreciation and gratitude.

~Louie Schwartzberg

I want to share it with you and I am asking you to take ten thoughtful minutes and watch this. It will stimulate your brain, bring beauty to your eyes and calm over your entire being. If it doesn’t you are cold and dead inside and I cannot help you. Not that I can claim to help you anyway, I am not a doctor. As a regular person giving advice to another regular person here is my prescription for joy today. You’re welcome!!

Friday I’m in love -W.I.S.E. Project 2016-Journal Notes

My W.I.S.E. principles for the month of may are warmth, intimacy, serenity and enrich.

I feel like I should get a sticker and a high five for not just chooosing these principles but for taking them seriously and learning so much.

Warmth is that good feeling you get by sharing and being kind to others. I have done well, except to bad drivers and the plumber that showed up at my work with just a flashlight to fix a leak and asked me what I wanted  him to do. I myself am not a plumber nor do I claim to know anything about plumbing but I will say that waving a flashlight around a well lit room doesn’t seem like the way to fix a leak. But all in all I have had some wonderfully warm encounters so far this month.

Intimacy is something I really wanted to work on. My husband and I have been together for 18 years and we have had a huge transition with him working away for 8 years and now being home every night. There is a huge difference in the dynamics of a relationship that is lived in stolen moments than one that you struggle to keep connected even though you are together everyday. I am focusing on relationship studies and have had a million ‘aha’ moments. It is really freeing to be able to be open and honest in a relationship and to be all in, to know that you are worthy of love and therefore you can give it freely as well. I had an incredible epiphany this month about the power of vulnerability and I discovered a Researcher/Storyteller named Brene Brown who does a wonderful Ted Talk on the subject. It is life changing.

Serenity-I have continued to go floating and I am continuing to meditate. I try to add five mindful minutes each day and I have found a wonderful guided meditation that is calming and helps to centre me.

Enrich-thinking about, working on and creating happiness has been very enriching. I love Robert Waldingers Research on What makes a good life, I am studying relationships and emotions as well as meditation which has led me to research Budhism.  I signed up for Brene Browns CourageWorks ecourse on the Anatomy of Trust. I have seen her Super Soul Sunday talk on Trust and it was fantastic. I put together an actual binder and a journal about The W.I.S.E. Project but my purse, desk and bedside table are full of hand scribbled notes I have jotted down.

I feel good. There were some trying times this month and I feel like I have learned and grown from them. I feel that knowing how I want to feel and recognizing what it takes to make me feel that way has and will continue to have a huge impact on my life.

As you continue your mindful and happy journey this month don’t forget to visit the new Facebbok page https://m.facebook.com/WISE-Project-236710606685815/

It is a place where we can share wisdom, happy thoughts and interact. I am sharing a couple of links below to some amazing content that has changed my life.

Remember that happiness doesn’t find us, we need to create it and choose it, every moment of everyday. Be W.I.S.E. friends.

Brene Brown on Vulnerability

Robert Waldinger on What makes a good life.

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da-Life goes on. W.I.S.E. Project 2016

I was an imaginative child and honestly back in the day of high wasted jeans and mullets you had to be. We didn’t have X-box, Netflix and Iphones, we had mud puddles, trees and tadpoles. I wouldn’t trade my childhood for anything in the world. I think my children have been so lucky to have been given exceptional experiences during their informative years, I just don’t think they compare to mine.

I remember the first time I watched Bridge to Terrabithia. I was mesmerized. It brought me back to my childhood and the countless hours I spent in the woods with my friends, and sometimes by myself, creating wonderful fantasties. Sometimes we were princesses and knights and others we were peasants and princes.

Day after day I never failed to be awestruck by every tall tree, each moss covered stone, every sun kissed clearing. I loved the blue of the sky, the green of the trees, the song of the birds and chasing vividly colored butterflies.

If I wasn’t delighting in the sun peaking through the treetops I was dancing playfully in big fat raindrops and chasing the pot of gold at the end of the glorious rainbow.

There was a huge stone that we passed everyday on our way to new and exciting adventures and we called it our Blarney stone. We would kiss it and make a wish. As far as I recall the only thing I ever wished for was to be as happy always as I was that very moment.

Life wasn’t perfect though. I didn’t go to the woods for a very long time after I lifted a piece of wood and saw a snake. I went crazy, screaming and crying all the way home. I was so traumatized by that little garden snake that I had nightmares for years to come.

Those were the days that you were not supposed to be further than screaming distance from home. It didn’t matter much because our parents were happy for the break so long as you heard your mom call you for supper all was right with the world.

There were times that I felt under appreciated by my family. I was full of wit and charm and a creative spirit that couldn’t be contained. Often, when I felt that my gifts were being overlooked I would pack a drawstring sack full of Archie comics and an old sleeping bag and run away….all the way to my treehouse. Every one in the house was aware that I was running away. I didn’t quietly slip out the side door leaving them frantically worried. I left very dramactically, letting everyone know that I was troubled by the lack of fanfare I was recieving.

I spent what seemed like a month of Sundays in the trees waiting and waiting and waiting some more for someone to come find me in my treetrop hideaway and beg me to come back. Nobody ever came. When I had to pee bad enough I went home sulking.

I grew up and stopped going to the woods. I no longer have a treehouse to go to when life gets tough. I stopped creating fairtales, wishing on Blarney stones and believing that there was a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

When we are young we always hope to be older, never imagining that the day will come when we will lose that joyful enthusiasm to simply live each day as it comes and the euphoria that overcomes you when you pull your shorts over dirty skinned knees to face another sun drenched summer day with your friends.

I  want that feeling back.

I started the W.I.S.E. Project because I was not happy. I had no particular reason not to be happy except that I had let the world beat me down a bit, I was mired knee deep in the past, fearful of the future, stressed out by bad news,  bills, bad drivers and horrible grocery store people. I felt simply unable to catch a breath and enjoy the simple pleasures that each moment brings.

Starting this project I knew only two things for certain. I didn’t want to feel that way and only I could change it. The last couple of monthes have been transformative. I am not building treeforts in the woods yet but trust me when I say I wish I could.

Misery indeed loves company but so does happiness, so if you want to follow along with me it is never to late!

You can now interact with me on the W.I.S.E. Projects new Facebook and we can support and enourage each other HERE 

My W.I.S.E. Principles for the month of May are:

Warmth-Be as warm and friendly as possible. Especially to my family.

Intimacy- Continue to invest in my close, personal relationships.

Serenity-Seek out moments of calm and tranquility including those important five mindful minutes a day.

Enrich-to continue to enrich my life by putting greater value on people and experiences over things as well continuing to seek knowledge and joy!!

I am looking forward to interacting with all of you and having you share your experiences and progress. Thanks to all of you that trudged through my incredibly long relationship post. The only thing worse than someone with ‘new money’ is a person full of ‘new knowledge’. I was so overcome by everything I had learned and how it has improved my relationship that I wanted to share and I didn’t want to leave anything on the cutting room floor!!

 

Chat soon. Be W.I.S.E. friends.