Friday I’m in love -W.I.S.E. Project 2016-Journal Notes

My W.I.S.E. principles for the month of may are warmth, intimacy, serenity and enrich.

I feel like I should get a sticker and a high five for not just chooosing these principles but for taking them seriously and learning so much.

Warmth is that good feeling you get by sharing and being kind to others. I have done well, except to bad drivers and the plumber that showed up at my work with just a flashlight to fix a leak and asked me what I wanted  him to do. I myself am not a plumber nor do I claim to know anything about plumbing but I will say that waving a flashlight around a well lit room doesn’t seem like the way to fix a leak. But all in all I have had some wonderfully warm encounters so far this month.

Intimacy is something I really wanted to work on. My husband and I have been together for 18 years and we have had a huge transition with him working away for 8 years and now being home every night. There is a huge difference in the dynamics of a relationship that is lived in stolen moments than one that you struggle to keep connected even though you are together everyday. I am focusing on relationship studies and have had a million ‘aha’ moments. It is really freeing to be able to be open and honest in a relationship and to be all in, to know that you are worthy of love and therefore you can give it freely as well. I had an incredible epiphany this month about the power of vulnerability and I discovered a Researcher/Storyteller named Brene Brown who does a wonderful Ted Talk on the subject. It is life changing.

Serenity-I have continued to go floating and I am continuing to meditate. I try to add five mindful minutes each day and I have found a wonderful guided meditation that is calming and helps to centre me.

Enrich-thinking about, working on and creating happiness has been very enriching. I love Robert Waldingers Research on What makes a good life, I am studying relationships and emotions as well as meditation which has led me to research Budhism.  I signed up for Brene Browns CourageWorks ecourse on the Anatomy of Trust. I have seen her Super Soul Sunday talk on Trust and it was fantastic. I put together an actual binder and a journal about The W.I.S.E. Project but my purse, desk and bedside table are full of hand scribbled notes I have jotted down.

I feel good. There were some trying times this month and I feel like I have learned and grown from them. I feel that knowing how I want to feel and recognizing what it takes to make me feel that way has and will continue to have a huge impact on my life.

As you continue your mindful and happy journey this month don’t forget to visit the new Facebbok page https://m.facebook.com/WISE-Project-236710606685815/

It is a place where we can share wisdom, happy thoughts and interact. I am sharing a couple of links below to some amazing content that has changed my life.

Remember that happiness doesn’t find us, we need to create it and choose it, every moment of everyday. Be W.I.S.E. friends.

Brene Brown on Vulnerability

Robert Waldinger on What makes a good life.

If you don’t know me by now- W.I.S.E. Project 2016

The W.I.S.E. Project is a journey to self discovery and fulfillment. I am just like you, yet different. I decided to tell you some totally useless information about me and then you will know me better. You may love me, totally dislike me or suggest I seek help. Regardless, if we are going to journey together we should have some dirt on each other in case things go awry along the way!

1.) I love the sound and the smell of rain, if it is accompanied by rolling thunder and lightning lights up the sky I am enthralled. Stormy nights make me sleep like a baby!

2.) I love eggs. Boiled, fried, poached, scrambled or omelets. Eggs are my go to, any day, any time food.

3.) If I have red lipstick on and a flower in my hair I am determined to have a wonderful day!

4.) I love movies that evoke feeling. If they don’t make me cry, scream in anger or recoil in fear then it is not a good movie. If I can do all of that in one movie then it will be my favorite.

5.) I cannot be held responsible for anything I say or do when I am behind the wheel of a moving vehicle. I am a nice person until I am driving and you disregard rules and courtesy. 98% of my swearing takes place in my vehicle.

6.) I like the feeling of being happy. I recognize very quickly when I am not and I have to try very hard to get back to that feeling. Sometimes I have to give myself a time-out!

7.) I love road trips but I also like coffee. It is impossible to combine the two and still cover the miles needed to get where we are going! I am not a lot of fun when I need to pee!!

8.) Sometimes I am afraid to be totally myself because the world has a certain amount of power over me. I try to serve my authenticity but when challenges get to great I tend to panic. As above, sometimes a time-out is needed.

9.) I take a five minutes a day to meditate and be mindful. It is hard. I set a timer. It does get easier and it is helping me to cut through mental distraction and build my attention span.

10.) I used to envy people. Now I admire them.

11.) I used to have this driving need to make a difference somehow. I would spend countless hours being curious and trying to figure out what my purpose was. I found that my greatest contribution could be in changing myself and in learning to be happier, grateful and more mindful I am making a difference in my life and the lives of those I love.

12.) I think identity is something we build on. At 17 I thought I knew everything, including who I was. I am glad that I am not the same person today that I was a 17.  I think the painful experiences that I have had in the last 42 years are the times that I have fought the most to seek my identity, with each lesson, with each trauma, with each survival; parts of my identity emerged.

13.) I sometimes yell at everyone in my house when I am frustrated.

14.) I use laughter to deal with hard situations because someone once said it was the best medicine.

15.) I lose several corkscrews in a month and find them in weird places like my underwear drawer. I love wine 😉

16.) If someone is not nice to my children then I wouldn’t have them around, I feel the same way about my pets.

17.) Sometimes I crave a good cuddle but it is on my terms only. When I want to cuddle and how long I want to cuddle. I have unspoken cuddle rules! I know it sounds selfish and it is not the intimacy of it that I struggle with, it is just that sometimes it sends me into a claustrophobic panic and others it feels like my body has burst into flames and I am burning alive. If it is my way and my terms it can be the sweetest and most calming experience.

18.) I am fascinated by nerds. Most nerds are incredibly smart and though they often lack in social skills; one on one they can be so charming and engaging. I love the way their minds work and they can be really exceptional friends. I had a really good friend years ago that I would describe as the “nerd” of our group. At 20 he was abundantly smart and was enthusiastic about things other than drink specials and wing night. After a night of tequila shots and bad decision making we somehow ended up alone and he educated me in unspeakable ways. He was brilliant and attentive in the bedroom and other rooms. In fact, just to prove it wasn’t the tequila talking we engaged in many more crazy times until he moved across the country to further his education. I would listen to him for hours on end talking to me about amazing things that I wasn’t smart enough to understand, he would ponder, adjust his glasses and thoughtfully explain to me everything I never wanted to know and then when it was least expected he would literally rip my clothes off and ravish me. It could be at the bathroom sink, in the kitchen…in the middle of a math equation. It was so incredibly hot. I thought he was my best kept secret but many monthes later I found out that at least a couple of my friends thought they had the same secret. No regrets 😆

19.) * sometimes my mind wanders mid thought. No nerds were harmed in the making of this blog post!

 
20.) One of the most valuable things I have learned to do is to say NO.

Now you  know me a bit. I would love to get to know you. Tell me a totally random and useless fact about you.

 

 

 

 

 

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da-Life goes on. W.I.S.E. Project 2016

I was an imaginative child and honestly back in the day of high wasted jeans and mullets you had to be. We didn’t have X-box, Netflix and Iphones, we had mud puddles, trees and tadpoles. I wouldn’t trade my childhood for anything in the world. I think my children have been so lucky to have been given exceptional experiences during their informative years, I just don’t think they compare to mine.

I remember the first time I watched Bridge to Terrabithia. I was mesmerized. It brought me back to my childhood and the countless hours I spent in the woods with my friends, and sometimes by myself, creating wonderful fantasties. Sometimes we were princesses and knights and others we were peasants and princes.

Day after day I never failed to be awestruck by every tall tree, each moss covered stone, every sun kissed clearing. I loved the blue of the sky, the green of the trees, the song of the birds and chasing vividly colored butterflies.

If I wasn’t delighting in the sun peaking through the treetops I was dancing playfully in big fat raindrops and chasing the pot of gold at the end of the glorious rainbow.

There was a huge stone that we passed everyday on our way to new and exciting adventures and we called it our Blarney stone. We would kiss it and make a wish. As far as I recall the only thing I ever wished for was to be as happy always as I was that very moment.

Life wasn’t perfect though. I didn’t go to the woods for a very long time after I lifted a piece of wood and saw a snake. I went crazy, screaming and crying all the way home. I was so traumatized by that little garden snake that I had nightmares for years to come.

Those were the days that you were not supposed to be further than screaming distance from home. It didn’t matter much because our parents were happy for the break so long as you heard your mom call you for supper all was right with the world.

There were times that I felt under appreciated by my family. I was full of wit and charm and a creative spirit that couldn’t be contained. Often, when I felt that my gifts were being overlooked I would pack a drawstring sack full of Archie comics and an old sleeping bag and run away….all the way to my treehouse. Every one in the house was aware that I was running away. I didn’t quietly slip out the side door leaving them frantically worried. I left very dramactically, letting everyone know that I was troubled by the lack of fanfare I was recieving.

I spent what seemed like a month of Sundays in the trees waiting and waiting and waiting some more for someone to come find me in my treetrop hideaway and beg me to come back. Nobody ever came. When I had to pee bad enough I went home sulking.

I grew up and stopped going to the woods. I no longer have a treehouse to go to when life gets tough. I stopped creating fairtales, wishing on Blarney stones and believing that there was a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

When we are young we always hope to be older, never imagining that the day will come when we will lose that joyful enthusiasm to simply live each day as it comes and the euphoria that overcomes you when you pull your shorts over dirty skinned knees to face another sun drenched summer day with your friends.

I  want that feeling back.

I started the W.I.S.E. Project because I was not happy. I had no particular reason not to be happy except that I had let the world beat me down a bit, I was mired knee deep in the past, fearful of the future, stressed out by bad news,  bills, bad drivers and horrible grocery store people. I felt simply unable to catch a breath and enjoy the simple pleasures that each moment brings.

Starting this project I knew only two things for certain. I didn’t want to feel that way and only I could change it. The last couple of monthes have been transformative. I am not building treeforts in the woods yet but trust me when I say I wish I could.

Misery indeed loves company but so does happiness, so if you want to follow along with me it is never to late!

You can now interact with me on the W.I.S.E. Projects new Facebook and we can support and enourage each other HERE 

My W.I.S.E. Principles for the month of May are:

Warmth-Be as warm and friendly as possible. Especially to my family.

Intimacy- Continue to invest in my close, personal relationships.

Serenity-Seek out moments of calm and tranquility including those important five mindful minutes a day.

Enrich-to continue to enrich my life by putting greater value on people and experiences over things as well continuing to seek knowledge and joy!!

I am looking forward to interacting with all of you and having you share your experiences and progress. Thanks to all of you that trudged through my incredibly long relationship post. The only thing worse than someone with ‘new money’ is a person full of ‘new knowledge’. I was so overcome by everything I had learned and how it has improved my relationship that I wanted to share and I didn’t want to leave anything on the cutting room floor!!

 

Chat soon. Be W.I.S.E. friends.

 

 

 

 

 

Hell in a Handbasket-W.I.S.E. Project 2016

My W.I.S.E. principles for the month of April are Wisdom, Integrity, Sincerity and Education. I am using and passing along my wisdom at every single opportunity that I can, especially in conversations with my girls. I am not book smart but I definitely have a lot of life experience to share and I know that even though it might not always seem like it at the time my children do listen and when I see the results of that it makes me truly joyful.

I have always tried to live my life with integrity and be sincere in all that I do. I haven’t always been completely successful because sometimes being a bitch wins. The other day a bloated and balding man in a Lexus cut me off as I was merging into the left lane. He did it intentionally, possibly to make up for some phallic shortcoming, and because I am a person of strong moral character I did not ram the bumper of my truck up his ass end for the remainder of our drive together in that lane and even though my finger twitched like mad I did not lift it in a tasteless gesture insisting he speedily copulate himself. Instead I smiled and sincerely wished him well. I wished that he would either learn how to drive or to stay home everyday. My well wishes for him made me happy.

I had a discussion with my girls about education the other day I was telling them to never give up on learning. Few things are more engaging and powerful then exercising your brain. I think we should always pursue new opportunities to learn and stimulate our minds. I have been taking some mini courses on the Psychology of Happiness and Living a Good Life. Happiness seems to factor into everything I do lately. Everything I am interested in, every challenge I face seems to be coincide with being grateful and living a good life.

It is a challenge. I have a million things I want to do and accomplish each day and only so many hours. I like to assign some of those hours to sleeping and after I have appointed equal time to my children, my husband, my pets and my housework there is very little time left over. I am grateful I have these types of demands though. I am blessed, and in knowing this and being thankful for this my life is better. I am not happy every second of everyday and often I don’t feel as happy as I would like, but I always know that making a conscious effort to be happy and being grateful for my life makes a huge difference in my well-being!

I really do not dip into the pool of politics too often. The water is greasy and it makes me break out. We have enough of our problems here in beautiful Alberta, not to mention the rest of Canada but this morning I was alarmed to hear the New York Primary outcome.

The race for the Democratic nomination is in the home stretch and a victory is in sight for presidential hopeful Donald Trump.

On the April 16, 2016, Julia-Louis-Dreyfus of Seinfeld, New Adventures of Old Christine and currently The Veep fame, joined the cast of SNL and blamed her HBO show Veep for informing the notion of a “presidential candidate being a cursing narcissistic buffoon.”

Even as a Canadian I am worried about how a Trump presidency will affect me. Trump claims to love Canada and says that he has no plans to build a wall across our border with the U.S. but many questions still arise about how a win for Trump could affect relations between the two countries.

Though Donald the businessman supports the Keystone XL Pipeline and the oil industry in general he has made no secret of the fact that he thinks that the North American Free Trade Agreement is a disaster and may impose barriers that would make it difficult for Canadian goods and services to cross the border. Trump may fear that Canada’s recent intake of Syrian Refugees may somehow be threat to the U.S. and therefore may deepen border security.

I am sad for all of the politicians that spent their lives hoping for a run at the presidency and it turns out that a man with the deepest pockets and no solid political background could take up residency at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. It makes a mockery of then entire system.

Besides the fact that I do not like Trump as a person or like what he stands for what scares me the most is his ‘Shoot first, ask questions later’ approach.

The biggest threat to Canada may be Trump’s unpredictability and how his policies and impending threats to confront China over trade may have a devastating affect on the economy and our dollar.

U.S. friends and neighbors, I am asking you sincerely to a) Go out and vote in November and b) carefully consider your vote and what it will mean for your country. You matter, your families matter, your vote absolutely matters.

For my fellow Canadians, let us be grateful, and keep our fingers crossed!

Be W.I.S.E. friends!

Where do I belong? W.I.S.E. Project 2016- Journal Notes

Photo Credit to: canadaclass10.wordpress.com

In 2008 we headed West, packing our lives into a U-haul, our hearts overflowing with memories, leaving behind the only home and lives our kids had ever known. After spending our growing up years and the early years of our marriage on the East Coast surrounded by family and friends I am surprised at how deeply and quickly our roots sunk in here. My husband and I credit our jobs and a few close friends for firmly rooting us in this Western life but for our children it is their home, their friends that have become family, their sense of community and the opportunities they have been afforded to do the things they are passionate about.

 

It was the summer of 2008 when we arrived at our new home in Alberta and because we had a good reason for being here it began to feel like home remarkably quickly. As a family we had been apart for eight months while my husband worked in the Alberta Oil Sands so geography seemed like a reasonable thing to try to overcome to be able to be together as a family as much as possible. But even so, the sense of belonging to a place, the feeling that where we are is where we were meant to be, still depends just as much — if not more — on our attitude about the place as it does on the place itself.

Edmonton is not my home in the sense of heart and family. I am proud to have been born and raised in the fair province of Nova Scotia. I love the ocean and will always be captivated by salty air and crashing waves. Lakes, long coastlines, beaches and sand between my toes. I love my family and nothing can replace seeing them as I often as I would like but the thing about being from a family as close as mine is the security in knowing that you are only a thought away. I credit being close to my family as the reason I was able to move across Canada and create a life. When everyone else was full of warnings about everything I would hate in Alberta it was my family that said to me that they knew that I was strong enough to assemble a life anywhere.  They would miss us at the family gatherings along the shore, for every imagined reason we could think of to get together and eat good food and tell tales but I would be in their hearts, on their minds and definitely on the tips of their tongues because with family, no matter where you go you never get left behind. There is an inclusion that happens within a family like mine that cannot be touched by time or distance. Instead of making it harder to leave, this made it easier really, knowing that they wished us well and had nothing but good thoughts and high hopes for our journey ahead. The vastness of the land between us would never sever our bonds.

That all being said eight years have come and gone since we landed in Alberta. I remember like it was yesterday how my husband whisked us off to Jasper immediately because he knew I would be enamored with the mountains and it would alleviate the heaviness in my heart. I was awestruck by the majestic Rocky Mountains, standing proud and tall and on guard, touching the sky with their monumental peaks and reminding me just how small we are in this great big, phenomenal world. Lakes of Caribbean blue that mirrored the lofty, snow capped summits made my heart ache for my ocean playground a little less. Like a John Green novel, slowly at first and then quickly all at once I fell in love.

There was a moment last summer that my husband and I decided it was time to move home to Nova Scotia. We want to be close to family and lead a simple life, watch our grandkids grow up. We were very excited and started planning a timeline and telling family, trying to convince the girls.

As it often does, life happened and almost another year has passed since making that decision. The bottom fell out of the Oil Sands and financially took a lot of our immediate choices away. The timing wasn’t right when things were good and it is even worse now when things are bad. Funny the wrenches that get thrown into your life, but I am a firm believer that there is a reason for everything that will reveal itself in time.

Looking back to last summer after we made the decision to move home we had taken a trip to our favorite spot in the East Kootenay’s along the shores of the Upper Arrow Lakes. It is our spot for calm and clarity, to unplug and unwind and remember the things that are really important. When I step onto the little ferry that takes us to Burton, British Columbia it strangely feels like coming home. I remember staring up at a starry sky over the lake and being overcome with emotion wondering how I could walk away and never see that place again. My husband took my hand and said “I get it”, knowingly; because his heart was ravaged as well.

 

Like a time aged tale of being torn between two lovers my heart is divided and may always be, no matter where our story leads us.

 

Unfortunately living your life and making a living sometimes pulls you in entirely different directions.

 

It reminds me of a saying,

“Wherever you go, there you’ll be”

 

Indeed here I am, and what am I to do but make the best of the story that I am in the middle of?

 

Another fitting quote if you will allow me,

“Wherever you are be the soul of that place”

 

I will be. I am committed to it.This place has been good to me and my family. The people have been warm and kind. The community has embraced us. We have had good times and great experiences. I know that it is not my forever but it is my right now. Like a line from the 1970 hit by Stephen Stills of Crosby, Stills and Nash, “Love the one you’re with” 

Attitude is everything!